What is the difference between living and just staying in a country? Can it be defined in a certain period? A month, two, or half a year? Or maybe it is about a sense of self-establishment in a new place? One thing is clear: it is subjective. For me, one month in one place sounds like an extensive holiday. Once I start building certain routines in a new place, it feels like I already live there. So far, I’ve been living in 7 different locations. What were they like? Have I finally found a perfect place to settle?
Lithuania
I was born in Lithuania; thus, most of my life I spent there. I like to say that I came into this world at the perfect time. My young days were divided into two significant chapters – before and after digitalization. So I’ve experienced both: careless all-day playing in a yard and nights under the blanket with a mobile phone in my hands.
I was also lucky because I could walk the line between a county girl and a city slicker life. Of course, growing up in a remote village, I’ve always dreamt about leaving it and going to Vilnius, our capital city. A common cliche, but it was meant for my dream to come true. After experiencing both lifestyles, I now know that each has its cons and pros. I love the city buzz, but I equally enjoy the silence outside of it.
But most importantly, I had the privilege to see how my country has changed. When I was born, Lithuania was just a tiny post-soviet country with its hopes and dreams. Step by step, less than two decades later, it became a modern European country. Lithuania’s crown jewel, Vilnius, constantly evolves, growing in every shape and form. The more I travel, the more I think that it is one of the most incredible European cities.
Pisa
My first longer experience abroad was in Pisa. I seized an opportunity to go abroad for 5 months with a popular students exchange program called Erasmus. I was so excited before my departure and felt lost once I arrived there.
First things first, I was there completely alone. I was never able to brag about my social skills. This lack of outgoingness in a foreign country became a real obstacle. On top of that, my Italian was really poor. I thought I was pretty good at it but using Italian in real-world situations revealed an ugly truth – I wasn’t. The cherry on top was that I arrived there without knowing where I was going to live. Yeah, I had to find a room for rent in 4 days.
So, my first months in Pisa were a complete agony. I felt homesick, had no friends, no social life. My regular daily route was home – university – home. On Saturdays, I included grocery shopping, and that was about it. I was really thinking about packing my shit and catching the first available flight to Lithuania. I’m glad I resisted that urge.
Slowly things started getting better. I found a friend who was very similar to me. We began to explore Tuscany together, we discovered the nightlife in Pisa and had so much fun together in general. There were just two of us, but that was the only thing I needed. A companion.
Needless to say that in the last two months, my mood changed completely. If prior I was dreaming about going back home, I was literally crying at the end of my stay because I was so sad to leave. I fell in love with this small city, its vibe and streets full of students.
But I had to go back to Lithuania. That was the deal, and there was no other way to go around it. At the end of my stay, I learned a lot about myself. I probably wouldn’t have learned these lessons if I’d stayed in my home country. Most importantly, my experience in Pisa gave me a lifetime friend.
Naples
There’s a saying: once Erasmus, always Erasmus. Or, if you tried this once, you will want more. That was the case for me. As soon as I left Pisa, I was planning my next adventure abroad. I had to wait for a couple of years, but it was worth it.
When at the end of 2015, I told people that I would go to Naples for an upcoming semester, they said I was crazy. Totally insane. “Naples??? That dirty, dangerous terrible place?!” – most of them shared their opinion on a question I hadn’t asked. But I made up my mind firmly. I will go there no matter what. Part of me was thrilled about staying in the city ruled by Camorra.
This time I knew the drill. I knew what to expect for the most part. A place to live was found while I still was in Lithuania. I knew which items were necessary to bring with me and what I could simply buy right there in Naples. Due to 5 months in Pisa, I was already fluent in Italian. Therefore, the language barrier didn’t scare me at all. Of course, I didn’t become a miss socialite, but even this seemed not that big of a deal. In the worst-case scenario, I was ready to stay on my own, as long as I would be able to live in Naples. This is how obsessed I was with this idea.
I found friends there, however. Not tons of them but just enough to hang around with. My dungeon-like apartment was in the heart of the old town. The living room didn’t have windows, and my room looked like a cave. Even during the daytime, I used to leave the light on because the lack of it made me sick. My room window accessed a narrow old town street. One of these was where motorbikes were buzzing and disturbing me 24/7. So yeah, that was the price I paid for living in the old town. Did I regret this? Not at all.
At first, I hated Naples. I didn’t understand how on earth people function there. How can they live among the piles of trash, crazy traffic, constant yelling, and shouting on every corner? Some locals hearing my accent, not once tried to scam me. I was literally afraid that I would die there hit by one crazy driver in a car or on a motorbike in the first weeks. Foreign incoming students were repeatedly warned to be cautious because someone could snatch your wallet at any time. Two times I witnessed this with my own eyes. Let me be clear here: I SAW how one dirtbag tried to steal a wallet from one person’s pocket, and another time another dirtbag attempted to steal a phone from my friend’s purse. Luckily, I never became a victim myself.
But then some magic switch was turned on inside of me. Instead of yelling, I started hearing many people singing just like that – on the street. I saw patterns of beauty in that chaos. And also, I was learning every day. I knew which parts of Naples were better to avoid (I was in a Scampia just once, and definitely not alone). There also existed a coffee shop where no one tried to scam me. I trained myself always ask the price of a piece of pastry before sitting at a table (businesses charge more if you eat at a table). Once I got familiar with the rules, after a few unsuccessful pieces of training, I finally understood how to play in Naples.
So, once I opened my eyes, I saw how stunning Naples is. Its streets, squares, and all the architecture are breathtaking. In the warm afternoons, I used to sit in my favorite Piazza del Gesu’ and sip my spritz with an aperitivo. Like in the movies. Food became another love of mine. I’m not talking just about pizzas. Yes, they’re the best in the world (and I firmly stand behind this), but there are all kinds of fantastic food in Naples. In the end, it’s a coastal city, so just the seafood is to die for.
Before coming to Naples, I used to call myself a meat person. I wasn’t interested in sweets that much. Well, 6 months in Naples also changed that. Here is another saying: people cry in Naples three times. The first one when they arrive, the second one when they leave, and the third one when they weigh themselves. What can I say – the story of my life.
I am a realist here. No matter how much I adore this city, I wouldn’t like to live there forever. I’m sure that I would eventually get insane in a few years because of the heat, lack of lush green areas, and a constant being in a “be prepared for anything” mode. But I will never discard the idea of going back there for a year or two.
Catania
You will never guess how I ended up in Sicily. Yup, that was again the Erasmus exchange program. I had an opportunity to extend my stay in Naples for another 6 months, but I wanted something new. More south you go, crazier it gets, I’ve heard. So why not try it?
Once I left Naples, I experienced what Neapolitans call “napolitudine” – a longing of Naples. The Sicilian city of Catania was like a demo version of Naples. It was chaotic, full of trash, sunny, and delicious, but not as good as its bigger brother Naples. I subconsciously compared these two cities for a few months. Catania was constantly losing, no matter how much I tried to give it more credit.
Things started to change once I met my current husband there. We went outside of Catania to explore other wonderful places in Sicily, and there are plenty of them. You find rich history, architecture, delicious cuisine, and magnificent landscapes everywhere you go. I was healing my “napolitudine” quickly.
My plan was to stay in Catania for a semester, but everything changed dramatically, and I spent there nearly 3 years. That period was an American rollercoaster for me. One day I hated Sicily, another I was madly in love with it. I loved the ocean and the castle view through our balcony; I hated public transport there. I loved seafood pasta, and I hated how nothing was on time there. I still was angry about people trashing such a beautiful island, incapability to drive nicely, and in general, a lack of rules. I like rules, and I like being able to plan my life. In Sicily, that was impossible. Or at least that’s what I thought back then.
Prague
There was a time when I lived both in Sicily and Lithuania and managed to go twice for another adventure abroad. My first trip was to Prague in the Czech Republic for a 4 months internship at Charles University.
That wasn’t my first time in Prague. I was there on a school trip in the ninth grade, and I couldn’t remember much since it was more than 10 years ago. I remember that I liked it a lot and that Prague was lovely. Therefore I wanted to refresh my memory and stay in Prague longer.
I came there in February. I was used to communicating with people in English, Lithuanian or Italian and being perfectly understood. Unfortunately, not everyone spoke in English with me in Prague. This is how I was forced to remember what it means to have a language barrier.
The best part of staying in Prague was the location I lived in. The district of Holešovice was just across the Vltava river. Basically, I lived in the old town without actually living there. I could reach it in less than 30 minutes on foot or 5 minutes by tram. But most importantly, I didn’t have to deal with masses of people once the tourist season started. Trust me, in the warm season, it gets crazy there. No surprise that Prague is at risk of over-tourism.
I also loved the public transport system there. I think that it was the best one I’ve ever used. Just three metro lines covered the entire city. An extensive tram network lets commuters reach their destination in no time and without being stuck in traffic. After using the Sicilian public transport system, the one in Prague was like a fresh air gulp for me.
Now, about things I didn’t like that much. If I needed to describe Czech cuisine shortly, I would simply say, “let’s drown everything in any sauce.” Nothing from their cuisine stuck with me, and I miss nothing. The only real good thing is Czech beer.
In 4 months, I made some friends, but none of them were Czechs. I realized this just much later. For some reason, I couldn’t get in touch with them. At first, I thought it was my problem for being antisocial. Later, other foreigners expressed the same feeling with me. It’s hard to build a friendship with a Czech. Some people claim that this is because the Czech Republic is surrounded by big neighboring countries like Germany and Poland; therefore, Czechs feel an urge to protect themselves from foreigners. Not sure how much sense that makes, but the fact remains the same; all my friends were Lithuanians or people from Slavic countries.
Gaziantep
This was on the edge of being an extensive holiday. However, I spent two months there volunteering in a local youth organization. These two months were enough to create a specific routine for me. And oh boy, my experience in Gaziantep was unforgettable.
Before going to Turkey, I’ve visited just counties of western culture. Therefore, Gaziantep felt so different to me. But it was different in a good way. Most of the time. There were a set of particular rules I had to follow. For instance, I didn’t wear a skirt no matter how hot it was outside. I tried it once a few days after my arrival, and I felt a piercing look at me on the street. After that, I didn’t make such a mistake again.
The language barrier there was huge. Luckily, I had a friend who studied Turkish in her home country. Thanks, Ana, for making my life easier in Gaziantep. She was the one who usually ordered food for us. There was one Syrian place, though, where I managed to order food independently. Or maybe staff members already knew me because I used to go there almost daily and always ordered the same thing: falafel with rice and vegetables.
Gaziantep is the Turkish capital of gastronomy. I learned how an authentic kebab has to taste, and I also understood that baklava isn’t too sweet if you combine it with a glass of milk. Most importantly, everything was so cheap that it would have been a sin not to enjoy their traditional cuisine.
There were things that I didn’t like that much, but I embraced them as a part of a conservative Turkish culture. I found it weird they are almost worshiping their president Erdogan and being afraid to criticize him. This is probably the price you pay if you live in a so-called “democratic” state. But other than that, I found their culture charming and welcoming.
North Dakota
When I got the news that we were moving to the US, I couldn’t contain my joy. Finally, we’re leaving Sicily! Finally, we’re going to a place where things make sense, where rules are applied. Of course, I wasn’t blown away by the fact that we’re going to North Dakota. Who would be? But I was excited anyway. Couldn’t say the same about my husband. Being an American, he probably knew better what we’ll have to deal with. My friends just raised their eyebrows when I delivered this news. “North Dakota? Where is that?” – they asked.
So, it’s been nearly two years since we arrived in North Dakota, and I can say firmly: be careful what you wish for. I couldn’t say it’s a bad place to live. It’s very safe, the community is friendly and trustworthy. North Dakota is a perfect place to raise kids. Not that we have them, but I heard people saying that. I don’t even know if any neighborhoods should be out of limits. Crimes, burglaries? Never even heard of them.
The truth is, North Dakota is highly boring. Especially the Eastern part. They don’t even have forests here. There are just endless crops, beets, and potato fields around. One of the entertainments is ax throwing. At first, I thought that was a joke, but it was far from it. But you know what? This is where I learned to appreciate things. Even the tiniest ones. You can call me crazy, but I kinda like winter. North Dakota is a perfect place to feel how cold Mother nature might get. Also, we can often see the Northern Lights, and summers are nice and warm.
Where next?
I don’t think we will stay in North Dakota permanently. I honestly can’t see this happening. But never say never. Leaving Sicily and moving to North Dakota was like jumping from a pan straight to the fire. This is why I refuse to dream about someplace to live. What if it turns out that my so-called dream place is far from being a dream place? Reality sometimes can strike you hard. It’s better to appreciate the things I have now and not try to make plans for a decade.
But hey, if you feel that we miss some perfect place to live, let us know. Don’t keep it just to yourself. We would greatly appreciate your input. Cheers.
